PRAYER

There is absolutely nothing to boast about. Just that I would want to put into writing that prayer has become a HUGE part of my life these past few months. Not that I have never prayed or that it was not a part of me. Just that in the past, I would pray when I needed it the most. Or put it in a better way, prayer used to be my 2nd resort or even sometimes, my last resort.
But of late, prayer has become this constant thing in my life. I am truly grateful for that. There would be times when I would look for someone I could rant to or I would send a message to a friend when I had awesome news I wanted to share but after these conversations, I would feel empty. One day it hit me. God was just waiting for me to talk to him, for Him to be my first 'go to' for good news OR bad news. Rather for good news AND bad news.

Jeremiah 29:12
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you

An Athlete's Mom

I have a son, my eldest, who has embraced the sport of Triathlon with a big heart and bigger dreams tucked in it. Pre National Team membership, he started doing the sport 'because the rest of the family was doing it.' Really, we had no idea the consistent training and fun racing would eventually lead him to what he is doing now.

Just like any other thing, I suppose you are never really prepared for what is in store for you. Or you never really comprehend what is to be expected until you are right in the middle of it- living and breathing it.

Parenting an elite teenage athlete is heartbreaking to say the least.

The teenage years are a period in the life of a child where they tread through rough waters and go through experiences they would rather not have to deal with but have to. Cap that off with pressure, expectations and a high demand for focus on the sport. If not handled properly, this could be the perfect recipe for disaster.

This was a first for all of us so again, we had no idea what to expect. As the days went by I started to slowly get a grasp of what we were in for.

There'd be days I could see it in his eyes. He wanted out. He was ready to throw in the towel. And deep inside me I was torn between telling him to keep fighting or giving in to what he seemed to want at that very moment - to give up. What? What do I say to a 15 year old kid who just wanted to be a 'normal teenager' stuck busily snap chatting or playing on line games versus hard sessions in the pool inhaling the chlorine or burning his tires on the road and pedaling hard. There would be days, good days when he would cross the finish line strong and would tell me he loved his sport. What should I say? Congratulations you're the best or keep working hard for more of days like this one?

And then I was faced with the 'letting go' part. It is something I still have not fully embraced and I think I never will. There would be days or even weeks when he would have to be gone from home. Off to a training camp miles away or across the ocean to some other country. Every time I would see him off, all I could see was an image of him when he was 6months old. How could I let this baby go? Fly out alone and pretend I would not think of him for the next 2 weeks while he was away??

But everyday, I am grateful. No one thought this possible but God gave it to us.

Everyday we are learning trying to journey with our son. We struggle and we often fail but we always get up together. On painful days, I try to put up a brave front. When I am alone, just like now, I cry. I pray. I never cease to pray because Gods grace is all I can ever depend on to get us through each day.

Cry Out

There are days when we feel we are everything. Ever felt that? Like you had total control of everything, you felt indestructible. That feeling when you felt you had everything taken cared of. Nothing could stop you, your plans, your goals. On those occasions you have that feeling that nothing could ever go wrong. But everything goes wrong when you eat on those thoughts and allow yourself to believe in all that.

And then Baaaaam!!

PRIDE comes crashing down. And that once indestructible person that you were ends up shattered in a million pieces.  When that happens, there is an unexplainable pain that we feel. Emotions take over even if we think we are being objective in our approach.

But it is in these moments that truly define us. Do we accept what just happened to us? Do we allow it to consume us?

I've had countless times when I found myself in situations like that. Yes. Many times I actually believed I had it all just to find myself in the darkest of dark pits buried in my own web of sinful beliefs and eating the bitter truth of pride's consequences. Being the emotional person that I am, I see to it that I cry my heart out -- puffy eyes, sore throat and all, and it is on those occasions that I find myself down on my knees crying out to God. Humbling oneself before another is never easy more so if its before the Almighty one who you can never escape with your excuses. Remember, pride. But to cry out to Him must be the most relieving feeling ever.

Today I am looking for that relief.

PSALM 109:26
Help me, O LORD my God! Save me according to your steadfast love!